Measure in love

About romantic love and how it can make the world go round

May 26, 2024

This week my parents went off on a little trip to celebrate both my mom’s birthday and their anniversary (which is not until like two months from now but whatever). The story of how my parents met is quite cute; they were working at the same law firm but in separate buildings (one in front of the other). They’d see each other occasionally and when my mom saw him she thought he was a cute foreign boy (turns out he just was from another city) and she fell for him. Soon After my parents started dating and continued to do so even as my dad went off to Canada to get his master’s degree. The first time my mom embarked on a long journey to Canada was to visit him while they were dating. A few years later, I was born and the rest is history.

I was talking to my dad the other day however and he told me a little part of the story that I hadn't heard before. While they were dating he says that he planned an amazing gift for her: a calendar. I know that a calendar doesn't sound like the most romantic thing but this calendar was different. For every month there would be a picture of her or them during that month followed by one of my mom’s verbal mannerisms. My dad and mom are from different cities and so my dad has always found that my mom is filled with curious phrases that back then he found to be a wondrous part of herself. Although he never finished it (because attention deficit runs in this family) I think that it’s the best present he’s ever thought of (even if it wasn't gifted). When I suggested that I help him finish the project for my mom’s birthday earlier this year he said that he couldn't even if he wanted to, her language had become his, and he no longer could remember what a language before her was.

I think it's lovely to think that simple things such as time and language can be so drastically affected by love. Isn't it lovely to think that there's someone who can measure time by you- by your being every month and whatever quip they thought sounded most lovely out of your mouth? Isn't it lovely to think that when we love someone so much we forget what the world can be like without them and their way? Isn't it lovely to think that we can love like that?

Although I don't think I have been in love for a while now I still love love for it is what makes the world go around! Love creates. It builds beauty in our barren world and makes even the most ordinary work of art. I love love for that. So this week’s Sunday Spread celebrates lovers and what they have made for our world:

Letters to Milena by Franz Kafka

Kafka is perhaps known for his tormentation and anguish as a writer. Yet, my favorite work by him is not any novel he ever wrote but rather a compilation of letters titled “Letters to Milena”. Milena Jesenská, the subject of the letters, was Kafka's Czech translator, and what started as business letters would soon turn into a passionate expression of love. In his letter, Kafka reveals himself as unlike in other words with the trust and intimacy that only love permits. It is beautiful to think of the love that they shared and the extent to which their connection through letters permitted them to bond over their condition as complex human beings. My favorite passage of Kafka’s writing comes from these very letters in which he writes,

“Milena, if a million loved you, I am one of them, and if one loved you, it was me, if no one loved you then know that I am dead”.

“Amor Amarillo” - Gustavo Cerati

During the late 90s in Latin America, love was all around in rock music. From Fito Paez’s “El amor despues del amor” (Love after love) to Calamaro’s “No se puede vivir sin amor” (You can't live without love), love was most definitely in the air. And while I hold deep love to that newfound romanticism of the Argentinian 90s, one of my favorite examples of what love can create in terms of music will always be Gustavo Cearti’s “Amor Amarillo”. In almost its entirety, the album is dedicated to his then-partner Cecilia Amenábar. The album is a testament to his love and passion for her. Throughout its creation, Cerati wanted Cecilia to be a part of the album and thus she appears as backing vocals in songs like “Te llevo para que me lleves” (I carry you for you to carry me); a song that was born out of a day trip that the couple took and the lightness that in being together they found. Amor Amarillo shows the psychedelia of living in the rock scene in that day and age while remaining strikingly beautiful and tender.

Frida Kahlo & Diego Rivera

First Image: Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, Second Image: Frida and Diego Rivera by Frida Kahlo

When talking about romantic love and creation it is impossible to not mention Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera: “The Dove and the Elephant”. Although their relationship was jarring and far from ideal, Frida’s love for Diego is undeniable and largely evidenced in the letters that she wrote about and for him.

“For my Diego
the silent life giver of worlds, what is most important is the nonillusion. morning breaks, the friendly reds, the big blues, hands full of leaves, noisy birds, fingers in the hair, pigeons’ nests a rare understanding of human struggle simplicity of the senseless song the folly of the wind in my heart = don’t let them rhyme girl = sweet xocolatl [chocolate] of ancient Mexico, storm in the blood that comes in through the mouth — convulsion, omen, laughter and sheer teeth needles of pearl, for some gift on a seventh of July, I ask for it, I get it, I sing, sang, I’ll sing from now on our magic — love.”

Their love was messy and complex and this is largely reflected through their artwork. From their very meeting to their tumultuous affairs, Frida’s art (more than anything) shows the complexity of a love that tore as much as it gave. Although they would divorce and remarry, throughout all, there is a sense of comradery in companionship that is understood from Kahlo’s work and Rivera’s tenderness to preserve it. However, what is undeniable is that on the political and artistic front, the couple had a huge impact on Mexican culture. They were key artistic figures in influencing Mexican art and the modernist movement after the Mexican Revolution. Intense in their passion for art and politics, their love would leave a lasting impression on our world’s culture.

Marina Abramović and Ulay

Marina Abromovic is perhaps one of the most renowned performance artists of the last century. As an artist, she has been characterized by exploiting the expressive meanings and complexities of her own body and the mind of the public. When she dated Ulay, another performance artist, their works were known for being raw, intimate, and incredibly impactful. Their love was incredibly artful within itself and magical almost, they even shared a birthday: November 30. In 1983, the couple announced the epitome of their collaboration, a project in which they would walk the Great Wall of China before meeting in the middle and getting married. In March of 1988, after 8 years of trying to get the necessary permission to conduct the project, the couple would finally embark on the walk. As such, they both started to walk on opposite sides of the Great Wall of China, walking 2.500 km for 90 days each until they finally reached each other. Upon meeting the couple embraced and with their embrace, they concluded their 12-year professional and personal relationship, in one last act of love and artistic devotion. After that, they would not see each other for 22 years. As David Bramewell writes, “Unlike in China, the dragon in Western mythology is perceived as a symbol of malevolence, a destructive creature to be hunted down and destroyed. Abramović claimed that the idea for The Lovers came to her in a dream, a vision in which the pair would wake a sleeping dragon through their epic walk. They had, it seemed, woken the wrong dragon”.